Yes, I've been slacking on this poor little blog. But gimme a break, guys. It's summer and I just finished my book and I'm pregnant (what, you didn't know? Well, maybe you should join us on Facebook...) and the World Cup is on. So I'm going to do what any self-respecting artist does to keep the people happy while I laze around: Slap together a greatest hits album.
*self high five*
So here are some of my all-time popular posts (fingers crossed that none of you have noticed the handy "Popular Posts" toolbar on the right, which shows only the most popular this month...)
Read them and share them and win me more followers so I can convince an agent and then a publisher that hordes of greedy hipsters are champing at the bit, frothing at the mouth, just dying to get their hands on the Werewolf Jesus book.
As an advance reward for your efforts, I had Drew photoshop my face onto some more awesome greatest hits albums at the end of the post. You're welcome!
Track 1: 4 Things I Learned in 4 Years of Marriage
A saucy little number about the peaks and pits of being married. In this post you'll learn the immature way I punish my golden retriever-esque husband when he slights me. You'll learn about our nightly ritual (eehhh?) and read part of the speech I wrote for Big Guy's wedding. This post is my all-time most popular and to this day, I cannot understand why. Apparently, we're all a little more immature and broken than we'd like to admit. Solidarity, guys.
Click here if you want my expert (4 years= expert, right?) tips.
Track 2: Werewolf Jesus
Ah, the little story that started it all. Most all of you probably clicked this at some point, because you fell for my little "Was Jesus A Werewolf?" trap at the top there. And you looked around and were like, wait, is this some cultish Twilight fan fiction site? Who recommended this to me? But then you just had to look.
This is an actual chapter from my book, telling the story of a painting I found of Jesus where he actually looked like a werewolf. And my little high school self laughed, thinking but that's absurd! Jesus looks like Jared Leto! Everyone knows that!
So it's a metaphor, you see? For all of the stupid assumptions we make about Him and the hairy, dirty truth that He actually calls us to.
Click here if I've intrigued you.
Track 3: Headlights
To this day, I still see my life in terms of headlights. Especially lately, as I finish my book and head into this new adventure of parenthood, I'm reaching the end of my headlights. It's my least favorite place to be, metaphorically. I WANT A 5 YEAR PLAN AND I WANT IT NOW. Further evidence that I have a short memory when it comes to my own advice.
Headlights is all about feeling like God constantly keeps you guessing. This was probably the most widely liked post (young, old, girl, boy, Christian, non) so chances are, if you are human, you will like it.
Click here if you are a human.
Track 4: A Letter for Hard Days
Because who doesn't have hard days? I bet even Kate Middleton and Jimmy Fallon experience the occasional cloud in their sky.
This little pep talk I wrote for myself struck a chord with many of you, becoming the most shared post of 2014.
Click here if you're not Kate Middleton or Jimmy Fallon.
Track 5: That Broken Record in My Head
I'm certain that the success of this post is largely due to the gorgeous artwork that - believe it or not - I created with my pinky finger on my phone. I'm kind of a triple threat, if you count the chic model pose.
This post is all about that trap we all fall into - repeating the same lies to ourselves, letting fear and despair pull us under. But there's a song we need to sing above those lies and sometimes of sleepless nights, I'm able to remember it.
Click here if you think Drew is not the only graphic designer in this family.
Track 6: Fitness Fear and Former Things
This one is a huge throwback - from way back before I cared about layout and before most of you were even following. But it is the post that I have received the most heartfelt messages in response to. Fear is powerful, man! This was one of those posts that I didn't really feel like the writer of - like I was just passing on wisdom from Someone much more powerful. I read back on it myself consistently, needing the reminder of truth.
Click here if you hate to exercise and/or struggle with fear.
Track 7: The Appropriate Amount of Hope
I'm one of those people who finds hope difficult. I prepare for the worst, just in case. And I know it's a terrible way to live and I try to work through it in this post. Apparently I'm not the only one with this mindset, because this was my most re-blogged post.
Click here if you're wondering where we are in this weird picture. (Answer: we are at the top of a windy mountain in Hawaii)
Bonus Track: Kooky Old Men
For two reasons:
1. I met with one of my kooky old man friends this morning and as always, we ate comfort food and he gave me the best advice and I'm still on a high from it.
2. It pleases me to no end that when someone LIKES this particular post, my Facebook newsfeed will say something like "Christine Arruda likes kooky old men" Baha.
Click here if you're an old soul.
Thanks for being the best readers ever and sticking around long enough to give me some "greatest hits". Don't forget to SHARE. I'm serious about this.
As promised, here is your reward: