Look at that sad little poodle, walking her fellow poodle. This will be the last Halloween she, the Lego knight and the vaguely feline redhead will participate in. Little does she know that her parents will soon be 'born again', replace cartoons with Sunday school and declare Halloween to be Satan's holiday. Look at her, in her ridiculous outfit, obviously feeling such a strange mix of pride and shame. She knows the costume is accurate, but as she bites on the rim of a Dixie cup painted to look like a snout, she feels a strange sadness. Should have gone with ballerina or Disney princess, like all of the other girls. Oh well, there's always next year.
No, transparent long johns, there won't be a next year.
You'll spend the rest of your Halloweens at Chuck-E-Cheese or Olive Garden. You'll fight the urge, as a full grown adult, to put on a tutu or a Disney princess dress just to see what you had missed. You'll live a short distance from Salem and curse the hours of additional traffic this holiday affords you. And then you'll start jonesing for some free breadsticks and look up the closest Olive Garden. And you'll assure yourself that you probably didn't miss out on much.
**Werewolf Jesus Blog has no official stance on Halloween. My parents must have got something right: the Lego knight, the cat scarecrow and I love Jesus a whole lot. But then again, so does Drew - who was a Halloween enthusiast. Different strokes for different folks, right?
What about you all? I know a lot of you grew up Christian - were you allowed to trick or treat? Maybe you went to the alternative "harvest party"? 4,000 points to the person who tops my poodle costume.